Step Four
“Made a searching and
fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
Our instincts,
so necessary for our existence, often far exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly, many times subtly, they
drive us, dominate us, and insist upon ruling our lives. Our desires for sex, for material and
emotional security, and for an important place in society often tyrannize
us. When thus out of joint, man’s natural desires cause him great trouble, practically
all the trouble there is. No human being,
however good, is exempt from theses troubles.
Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of
misdirected instinct. When that happens
our great natural assets, the instincts, have turned into physical and mental
liabilities.
Step Four is our vigorous and
painstaking effort to discover what these liabilities in each of us have been,
and are. We want to find exactly how, when,
and where our natural desires have warped us.
We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and
ourselves. By discovering what our
emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction. Without a willing and persistent effort to do
this, there can be little sobriety, or contentment for us. Without a searching and fearless moral
inventory, most of us have found that the faith which really works in daily
living is still out of reach.
The majority of A.A. members have
suffered severely from self-justification during their drinking days. For most of us, self-justification was the
maker of excuses; excuses, of course, for drinking, and all kinds of crazy and
damaging conduct. We had made the
invention of alibis a fine art. We had
to drink because times were hard or times were good. We had to drink because at home we were
smothered with love or got none at all.
We had to drink because at work we were great successes or dismal
failures. We had to drink because our
nation had won a war or lost a peace.
We thought “conditions” drove us to
drink, and when we tried to correct these conditions and found that we couldn’t
to our entire satisfaction, our drinking went out of hand and we became
alcoholics. It never occurred to us that
we needed to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatever they were.
In A.A. we slowly learned that
something had to be done about our vengeful resentments, self-pity, and
unwarranted pride. We had to see that
every time we played the big shot, we turned people against us. We had to see that when we harbored grudges
and planned revenge for such defeats, we were really beating ourselves with the
club of anger we had intended to use on others.
We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our first need was to
quiet that disturbance, regardless of whom or what we thought caused it.
Let’s ponder the need for a list of
the more glaring personality defects all of have in varying degrees. To those having religious training, such a
list would set forth serious violations of moral principles. Some others will think of this list as
defects of character. Still others will call it an index of
maladjustments. Some will become quite
annoyed if there is talk about immorality, let alone sin. But all who are in the least reasonable will
agree upon one point: that there is plenty wrong with us alcoholics about which
plenty will have to be done if we are to
expect sobriety, progress, and any real ability to cope with life.
To avoid falling into confusion over
the names these defects should be called, let’s take a universally recognized
list of major human failings—the Seven Deadly Sins of pride, greed, lust,
anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth. It is
not by accident that pride heads the procession. For pride leading to self-justification and
always spurned by conscious or unconscious fears is the basic breeder of most
human difficulties, the chief block to true progress. Pride lures us into making demands upon
ourselves or upon others which cannot be met without perverting or misusing our
God-given instincts. When the
satisfaction of our instincts for sex, security, and society becomes the sole
object of our lives, then pride steps in to justify our excess.
All these failings generate fear, a
soul-sickness in its own right. Then
fear, in turn, generates more character defects. Unreasonable fear that our instincts will not
be satisfied drives us to covet the possessions of others, to lust for sex and
power, to become angry when our instinctive demands are threatened, to be
envious when the ambitions of others seem to be realize while ours are not. We eat, drink, and grab for more of
everything than we need, fearing that we shall never have enough. And with genuine alarm at the prospect of
work, we stay lazy. We loaf and
procrastinate, or at best work grudgingly and under half steam. These fears are the termites that ceaselessly
devour the foundations of whatever sort of life we try to build.
Since Step Four is but the beginning
of a lifetime practice, it can be suggested that he first have a look at those
personal flaws which are acutely troublesome and fairly obvious. Using his best judgment of what has been
right and what has been wrong; he might make a rough survey of his conduct with
respect to his primary instincts for sex, security, and society.
The most common symptoms of
emotional insecurity are worry, anger, self-pity, and depression. These stem from causes which sometimes seem
to be within us, and other times to come from without. To take inventory in this respect we ought to
consider carefully all personal relationships which bring continuous or recurring
trouble. It should be remembered that
this kind of insecurity may arise in any area where instincts are
threatened. Questioning directed to this
end might run like this: Looking at both
past and present, what sex situations have caused me anxiety, bitterness,
frustration, or depression? Appraising
each situation fairly, can I see where I have been at fault? Did these perplexities beset me because of
selfishness or unreasonable demands? Or,
if my disturbance was seemingly caused by the behavior of others, why do I lack
the ability to accept conditions I cannot change? These are some of fundamental inquiries that
can disclose the source of my discomfort and indicate whether I may be able to
alter my own conduct and so adjust myself serenely to self-discipline.
When we habitually try to manipulate
others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of
persecution, and a desire to retaliate.
As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our
suffering becomes acute and constant. We
have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be
a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the
heap, or to hide underneath it. This
self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those
about us. Of true brotherhood we had
small comprehension.
Therefore, thoroughness ought to be
the watchword when taking inventory. In
this connection, it is wise to write out our questions and answers. It will be an aid to clear thinking and
honest appraisal. It will be the first
tangible evidence of our complete willingness to move forward.